I’ve always
been a dreamer. I get it from my
Mum. We both have really vivid
nightmares, and really ridiculous dreams, on a regular basis. And we both have terrible bouts of insomnia.
As far as I
can tell, my insomnia isn’t triggered by anything especially. I’ll have a night of interrupted sleep,
waking every few hours, and then the next night, instead of being more tired,
I’m more alert.
And there it
begins... It can sometimes last
weeks. People keep telling me I look
‘weary’. Erm... thanks.
The dreaming
is as bad as the insomnia. In the build
up to my first television writing credit in November last year, I had insane
anxiety dreams that made me feel more tired than not sleeping.
I have a
recurring theme, that I have to save the world.
Which is suitably narcissistic, and also exhausting. I frequently dream about teeth falling out
and loved ones dying, both of which are extremely distressing. And then there are the ridiculous ones, like
the time I dreamt I met Brian Molko from Placebo in a supermarket and he
autographed my calculator. Or the time I
dreamt I was at a Christmas party with Britney Spears, Bill Gates and the cast
of Eastenders.
Although nothing
will ever beat the time I was watching Pet Rescue with my Mum, and at the end
credits she said ‘It’s a crime they didn’t have ‘in memory of Rolf Harris’ on
it’.
‘What Mum?’
‘He died
yesterday,’ she told me.
‘Did he?’
‘Yeah, I saw
it on the news. You’d think they’d do
something at the end of the programme as a memorial’ she continued.
So the next
day I went into school and asked around but no one had heard the terrible news
about everyone’s favourite wobble board player.
‘Mum, I
don’t think Rolf Harris is dead. It
wasn’t in the papers and no one else seems to know about it...’
‘Oh. Must have been a dream then.’
The worst
dreams are the everyday ones though. I
remember when we were working on the Who Shot Calvin storyline, I dreamt that
I’d edited the story team’s work and wrote notes on it. And then I woke up. And realised I had to edit the story team’s
work and write notes on it. I might as
well have not gone to bed.
And for the
sleepless nights, I have numerous activities to occupy my time. There’s no point staring at the ceiling. I don’t need that kind of freedom to
think. I accept that I’m not going to sleep. Reading always works, although if it’s been a
few days of not sleeping, my eyes can’t cope with it and my brain struggles to
concentrate.
Watching
films that I’ve seen a million times is good.
I don’t have to focus on the plot too much, and if I do manage to drift
off, I won’t feel like I’ve missed anything.
Last February, during a really bad stint that lasted about four or five
weeks, I was racking up two or three films a night sometimes. Best double bill of that period? Practical Magic followed by Donnie
Darko. Practical Magic holds a special place
in my heart – it’s mine and Pete’s go-to film.
It’s got everything two teenage (in mind) girls could ever want.
AND LET’S
NOT FORGET – SANDRA BULLOCK’S LOVE INTEREST CAN RIDE A PONY BACKWARDS.
I cling feebly
to the hope that there’s a man like that in the world for me, while my eyeballs
feel like the gritty sleeplessness might force them out of my head... Oh, the thoughts that occupy you in the
hours of the morning that you should only see if you’re running on a tank of
whisky or rum.
My other
late night occupation when counting sheep fails me is making compilation
CD’s. Or at least, lining up the
playlists for people. When it comes to
the actual burning of the CD, I tend to be a bit slack. I frequently promise a mix to people and they
spend their lives waiting for it to actually appear. Chances are, if you’ve known me for a year or
so, there’s a playlist on my Windows Media with your name on it that will never
see the light of day.
I have never
denied being a commitment-phobe. I’m almost proud of it. Or at least I used to be.
But it’s
worrying that even something as seemingly menial as committing a playlist to CD
stresses me out.
WHAT IF I
GET IT WRONG?
I sent my
feature script to my writer friend Mark to read, and his response was that he’d
been expecting it to be High Fidelity from a female perspective, but it’s
actually absolutely nothing like that at all.
Which made me really glad. ‘Cos
the only similarity for me was the fact that a bit of it’s set in a record
shop. The rest couldn’t be further from
it. But I did use it as a reference in
the initial days of developing the story.
I was never
particularly into High Fidelity. I’m
really funny about the way people talk about music in television and film. The majority of the time, it rings hollow to
me, untruthful. Maybe ‘cos I hang around
with a lot of people who seem to talk about music all the time. But John Cusack’s ramblings never quite hit
the mark for me.
The only
scene in the whole film that really works for me is when he’s making a
mixtape. And he’s got a yellow notepad
in front of him, working on the tracklisting, stressing about getting it
perfect.
I’ve read
lots of hilarious and beyond dorky ‘rules’ about making mixtapes. Oh, the Internet, you are full of loons and
it’s very entertaining. I don’t have any
rules for it, other than I try to put stuff on that I think the person won’t
have heard, that I really love, that I hope they’ll love too. Which is tough.
Two
circumstances that make mixtape-ing extremely difficult – 1) the person has
more or less the same taste in music as you and 2) it’s a boy you REALLY like.
As for
girls, well, you’re just a pleasure. I
post Pete a few compilations a year. She
always says I’m the only person she knows who still buys physical incarnations
of music (which isn’t true, I’m pretty sure Miah does too, although she’s
probably way more download savvy than me).
The only phobia that outweighs me being a commitment-phobe is probably
me being a technophobe.
I find
making playlists satisfying though. I
like picking out favourite tracks, listening to them a few times, matching them
up with others.
I’ve been
working on a playlist for someone since before Christmas but it keeps getting
redone. I can’t agree with myself about
some of the tracks. You know you’re in
trouble when you’re arguing with the order of your own selections at 4am, even
though you know you’ve got to get up in a few hours, and even though you know
you’re probably STILL not going to burn a CD at the end of it.
By the time
I finish it, all the bands will have split up or gotten popular.
Oh and while
I’m on playlists that never make it to CD - Hannah, if you’re reading this, I do have two
playlists stored with your name on it.
But then I get new music, and hear something I think you’ll like, and
then it requires a re-order. And
something has to get ditched to make room for the new thing and well... That cycle’s been going on for over a year
now. At this rate, you’ll get the
PERFECT mix sometime around... oh...
2055.
And by that
time, I’ll be the only person still listening to CD’s. Right?
One of the
biggest trip up’s is coming up with a name.
I don’t have mix rules, but I do like to have a title for them when they
do make it onto a CD. The best one I
ever came up with was ‘There Ain’t No Cowboy Code’, which I think was a quote
from a Western, or a song maybe. It was a country-tinged compilation,
naturally. I think it might have been
for Bernard but I can’t really remember.
It could very well have been for Pete, as it’s certainly one she would
have liked.
I have of
course made a compilation called ‘Time For Twee’ and it was of course full of
Indietracks-esque bands. There was a
follow up called ‘Twee for Two’, which I think Ellen might have come up with,
‘cos she’s dead good with the puns.
But the only
thing better than making a mix (regardless of whether it ever breaks into the
real world and into someone else’s hands), is receiving one.
It’s dead
exciting.
Two of my
top mixes were from Murray – one entitled ‘One For Joy’ and the other ‘Good Ol’
Country Comforts’. I listen to them both
on a regular basis, and often put individual tracks on compilations for other
people now. Pete’s made me a few over the years, two most
notable titles would be ‘I Like To Show You Off Sweetheart’ and ‘Dot Dot Dot
Open Bracket Nervous Laughter Close Bracket’ which I can vaguely remember is
some sort of joke from our uni days... But
I can’t remember why it is funny (if it ever was...).
Also vying
for excellent title award – Mikey’s ‘Niki is Scottish’, which he made for me at
a time when I was really down. The
hand-drawn cover featuring a gigantic sunshine and a leafy green tree, done in
crayons, would bring a smile to anyone’s face.
Even a grumpypants like me.
Equally rating highly in the cover-stakes is Ed Bear’s compilation
entitled ‘A Dungeons & Dragons Marathon At Mine’ – a promise I will still
hold him to.
Sometimes
the simple titles work best. I received
a compilation (VIA EMAIL – OH YES, APPARENTLY SUCH MAGICAL HAPPENINGS CAN
OCCUR!) this week called 19 Songs, from a Twitter buddy who is also a big
Hollyoaks fan. I was totally psyched, as
he’d mixed it all properly and everything.
And intimidated. Like... seriously.
MIXING THE MIX? AS IF I CAN DO
THAT! But I did my twee-est best and
sent a CD in return. Knowing my luck, it
won’t actually play...
A mix can
also help ease the difficulty of making new friends. Because I have the social skills of a plant
and panic about how to make ‘proper friends’ with people when I first meet them,
I find giving them a mix CD will often help ease the friendship in.
When I first
met Christopher, I made him a mix as a thank you for making the new girl feel
welcome. He returned it with a sweet
little compilation featuring galloping horses on the cover. When Christopher first saw me, I was in the
Hollyoaks canteen wearing a Scandinavian style jumper. So he naturally assumed I was Norweigian, and
that my name was Greta. Meanwhile I saw
him carting his bass guitar around work and decided that we should be friends,
but it wasn’t until we were both a bit drunk at a Christmas party that we
finally talked. I say talked, we
actually threw impressive shapes on the dancefloor. I can
only imagine he was bitterly disappointed to discover that I was Scottish but
he covered it up well with a brilliant CD that again, I still listen to and
pilfer from a lot.
The most
complex mix I ever received was from Andy, entitled ‘DRAMA – The Tale Of Arthur
and Daisy’. The best way I can describe
it is... It’s a concept compilation. It features 5 movements and tells the love
story of Arthur and Daisy, who meet (to Elle S’appelle I think) but are torn
apart (as Ed Harcourt plays over) but thankfully, in the end, get it together
(to Hot Club De Paris as far as I can tell).
I have to admit that this is a particular favourite because many of the
songs feature lyrics about horses or ponies.
We listened to it on the way to the Hillary and the Democrats gig
supporting ballboy in Nottingham, when I surprised Gordon and Sam drove us in
Married to the Sea’s now deceased red post van, Ludwig (RIP). Everyone agreed it was a particularly
spectacular compilation.
You see I’m
really a simple little creature with simple needs. Music, ponies, a bunch of daisies, Diet Coke
and late night movies. Throw in a cute
boy and a spot of afternoon tea with the girls.
And that feature script getting made...
Gosh, that’s
me happy.
Now, I’m
certain that more or less as soon as I hit publish with this, it’s going to
invite lots of people commenting that ‘it’s not a real mix unless it’s on a
cassette’ and other pedantic things. Don’t
kill my buzz guys. Can we go back to my
rule of – there are no rules? This is
how I like to do it. And a little
commentary on what I like about compilations that have been made for me.
It’s all to
the same end, right? Share the stuff you
like. It’s a principle that should be
applied more rigorously to life in general.
And on that
note...
If anyone is
looking for a ponyshare in the area, I am totally your girl. Please apply within.